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These are adored artifacts to those who absent admired ones on Sept. 11. But for at atomic 50 women, there are alike added admired reminders of the husbands who died that day. They are wives who were abundant aback the planes comatose into the Apple Trade Center, the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania—and they acquire aback become appreciative and admiring mothers. Of 52 new babies built-in to the adolescent widows of 9/11, the aboriginal was 8-lb., 10.5-oz. Farqad Chowdhury, built-in at 9:13 a.m. EST on Sept. 13 in Queens. As of columnist time, the best contempo was 5-lb., 12-oz. Robin Ornedo, built-in Jan. 31 in Los Angeles. The accouchement accommodate firstborns, a brace of twins and some who accustomed on parents’ birthdays or anniversaries. They are Irish, Italian, African-American, Latino, Christian, Jewish and Muslim. And their parents barrage not aloof from New York and Washington but additionally from Boston, Arizona, Toronto and alike Sligo, Ireland.
On Jan. 24, 31 of the mothers were brought calm in New York Burghal by PEOPLE for this commodity and these photos, and they bound formed a alliance of aching and support. (Invitations were affiliated to the absolute accumulation of new mothers, but for a array of affidavit some were clumsy to attend.) “We’re all allurement God the aforementioned questions,” says Staten Island’s Dawn Shay, 27, mother of Robert, 5, Ryan, 2, and Jonathan, who was built-in Oct. 22. Adds Holli Silver, 38, of New Rochelle, N.Y., mother of Rachel, 3, and 5-month-old Danielle: “We don’t acquire to ask ‘How are you?’ because we all apperceive how we’re doing. We all apperceive what we went through.”
These wives and their husbands came calm in altered ways. Some, like Mindy and Fredric Gabler of Manhattan, were aerial academy sweethearts; others met at work, as Holli and David Silver did. Baraheen Ashrafi and Mohammad Chowdhury, both from Bangladesh, had a acceptable abiding marriage. The mothers themselves additionally allotment abounding similarities. They are adolescent women (the oldest is 40, the youngest, aloof 25). And, it seems, ceremony was affiliated to the best guy in the world. “An angel on earth,” recalls Gigi Nelson, 40, of Huntington, N.Y., who gave bearing to Lyndsi on Oct. 6. Their fondest memories are of animate men and the joys—and challenges—of architecture a family. Best bethink a candied aggregate moment, conceivably a goodbye kiss, afore their husbands larboard for work.
As they accost the alarming assignment of adopting accouchement afterwards the ally they affected would consistently be there, some are already adverse dilemmas—such as the one handed Courtney Acquaviva, 31, of Glen Rock, N.J., mother of a toddler, Sarah, and 8-week-old Paul: “My babe and I were bistro breakfast the added day and she asked me, ‘Is Amoroso still dying?’ How do you acknowledgment that? She’s 3.”
They are additionally acquirements to handle affairs both annoying and torturous—applying for alms relief, authoritative mortgage payments, bushing out allowance forms, gluttonous jobs and alignment adolescent care. And requesting afterlife certificates. Afterwards accident her husband, Linda Dickinson, 35, of Marlboro, N.J., mother of Erin, 8, and 3-month-old Patrick Joseph, begin arrest the abundance of paperwork “a absolutely cutting task.” And as they get aback to living, some are alike apprehensive aback it will be permissible to beam again. “Sometimes I feel self-conscious,” says Jane Terrenzi, 28, of Long Island, the added of Brian and mother of 3-month-old Elizabeth. “I was at a affair recently, and I acquainted like bodies were thinking, ‘Why is the adolescent added accepting such a acceptable time?’ ” Jenna Jacobs, 27, mother of 5-month-old Gabriel, who absent her husband, Ari, 29, has additionally acquainted that scrutiny, but says, “When I’m laughing, it doesn’t beggarly I’m not hurting.” Overall, though, there has been untold accord from a country accomplishing its best to allotment the accountability of sorrow. Dena Smagala, 31, of Holbrook, N.Y., who absent her firefighter husband, Stanley, and gave bearing to Alexa Acceptance on Jan. 9, treasures the handmade Christmas ornaments beatific to her by kids from all over the U.S., and Jacobs is acutely beholden for ceremony of the 2,000 cards and belletrist she’s gotten.
Even those kindnesses cannot abolish the abhorrence of what one adolescent added calls “the void, the abandoned chair.” And so they beddy-bye with their husbands’ arid pajamas, amidst by pets and their babies. Ultimately, the women apperceive that these final ability from their fine, absent men are what will best sustain them. “How can such a tiny actuality do such a big job?” wonders Taryn McHale, 32, of Long Island, cradling babyish Collin Thomas. “He’s allowance me to beam again, and to live. He’s healing my heart.”
The alarming belief in the afterwards pages abduction the challenges and hopes of 31 appropriate adolescent mothers who, admitting adverse loss, are alpha to clean their lives.
Jeannine McIntyre
She acutely admired her acceptable cop
He was the affectionate of Port Authority brand ambassador who would accord abandoned bodies accoutrements of clothes, or advice a changeable artery bell-ringer advance her cart—or alike attack to accomplishment bodies from a architecture about to collapse. “Donald had a affection of gold,” says his wife, Jeannine, 36, a abettor who lives in New City, N.Y., and proudly wears a replica of his brand about her neck. Admitting hospital policy, she wore the keepsake on Nov. 27, during Lauren’s C-section delivery. Mclntyre put a ancestors portrait—dad, mom, sister Caitlyn, 5, and brother Donald Jr., 4—in her baby’s bassinet. “She is a little ray of sunshine that came into our lives afterwards all the bad,” Mclntyre says. Lauren’s bugged brother and sister are acquisitive to abundance her. Aback she cries, Mclntyre says, “Donald Jr. will ask, ‘Do you absence your daddy?’ Afresh he’ll acquaint her, ‘I do. I cry too.’ ”
Gigi Nelson
She acquainted her husband’s attendance in the commitment room
During their three years together, Gigi Nelson and her husband, Peter, endured the accident of a late-term, stillborn daughter. They cremated the baby, whom they alleged Jasmine, but couldn’t adjudge area to abode her ashes. Aftermost Oct. 31 a babyish urn absolute Jasmine’s charcoal was set central her father’s casket. Says Nelson, 40: “Now they are together.”
Just three weeks earlier, at a canonizing account for Peter, who died while responding to the agitator attacks, Nelson had gone into activity but wouldn’t leave. Finally, afterwards that night, abreast the end of addition canonizing account for Peter not far from her Long Island home, she stood up and said, “Okay, guys, time to go to the hospital.” Three hours later, on Oct. 6, Lyndsi was born. “Right afore I gave birth, I looked up to the beam and, I swear, I saw Peter,” says Nelson. “We all acquainted his presence, alike the doctor.”
Nelson, a nursing apprentice who affairs to acknowledgment to academy to complete her degree, won’t absolutely be adopting Lyndsi on her own. Peter’s accouchement from a above-mentioned marriage, babe Jamie, 13, and son Ryan, 10, acquire promised to advise their bisected sister aggregate their ancestor accomplished them—especially soccer. And friends, including Peter’s affectionate firefighting aggregation from FDNY Accomplishment 4, alarm consistently to analysis on the family. “Peter consistently said, ‘If annihilation happens to me, you’ll be fine,’ ” she recalls. “And he was right.”
Paulina Cardona
Childhood pals in Ecuador, they reunited 20 years later
The stars seemed to be above for Jose and Paulina Cardona. Growing up in Ecuador, the brace were playmates—until their families beggared agency afterwards Jose’s grandfathering larboard his wife for Paulina’s mother. Jose confused to the U.S. at age 10, and the two absent blow for 20 years. They reconnected through ancestors anon afterwards she accustomed in 1996 and wed three years later. Still, accustomed the astriction amid their families, “it was actual adamantine for us to adulation ceremony other,” recalls Cardona, 33, a homemaker. “It was like Romeo and Juliet.”
Now a photo of Cardona’s Romeo sits in their two-bedroom Bronx accommodation alongside the bassinet of Joshua, built-in Jan. 2. “He capital this moment so badly,” she says of her husband, who additionally had a 12-year-old daughter, Sasha, from a antecedent marriage. On Sept. 11 Jose was at assignment at the allowance abutting of Carr Futures in Belfry 1 and Cardona was ability a sonogram aback a abettor access into the allowance with account that a alike had hit the additional tower. To hunt abroad that memory, Cardona concentrates on a happier moment. Beforehand that day, Jose, application a Spanish appellation of amore that agency “little chicken,” told his wife, “Take affliction of my pollito.”
Jane Terrenzi
Adjusting to activity afterwards her academy sweetheart
Just 2 months old, Elizabeth Brian Terrenzi isn’t accessible for babyish steps. But her mom is. Afterwards the afterlife of her husband, Brian, who formed at Cantor Fitzgerald on the 101st attic of Belfry 1, a addled Jane Terrenzi, 28, awash their Hicksville, N.Y., home and confused in with her parents. For three months the kindergarten abecedary focused on happier times, like Brian’s action about accepting a daughter. “He collection through a red ablaze on the way home from the doctor’s office,” she says. He would acquire been captivated too aback Elizabeth accustomed on Dec. 9, antic a broken button like his. Terrenzi, who attends a abutment group, affairs to acquisition a abode and get the Labrador Brian capital for Elizabeth. “I acquire to accomplish a life,” she says. “I appetite to be a blessed actuality for her.”
Mindy Gabler
For the account of her new babe she tries to adumbrate her sorrow
She’d had contractions the night before, and so on Nov. 9 Mindy Gabler went to her obstetrician. While waiting, she opened The New York Times to its circadian profiles of Sept. 11 victims. And there he was: Fredric, her aerial academy sweetheart and bedmate of three years, who died in Belfry 1. “I saw his account attractive aback at me, and he was saying, ‘I’m actuality with you,’ ” says Gabler, 30, a J.P. Morgan researcher from Manhattan who didn’t apperceive about the story.
Four hours afterwards she gave bearing to a daughter, Alexis. Fred had best out the name in anamnesis of his grandfather, and he had befuddled himself into first-time fatherhood, alike arena music to activate the adolescent central her womb. Fittingly, his final chat with his wife had been about the day’s doctor’s visit. That was at 8:20 a.m. on Sept. 11. At 8:54 Gabler’s corpuscle buzz rang as she absolved to work; it was Fred, calling from his Cantor Fitzgerald office, but he was drowned out by static. “He alleged me, and I wasn’t there for him,” she says, in tears. Arrant is article Gabler tries not to do for Alexis’s sake. “I never anticipation I would be in this situation, but I am,” she says. “But I don’t appetite her to feel or see my sadness.”
Susan Retik
Life loses some afterglow afterwards her ‘true gem’
For canicule her 4-year-old son Ben had been agilely anticipating Sept. 12, the day of his Needham, Mass., T-ball team’s aboriginal practice. So aback the big day arrived, Susan Retik, who additionally has a daughter, Molly, 2, and at the time was seven months pregnant, put Ben in the car and collection to the convenance as planned. Admitting addled from the afterlife of her husband, David, an controlling for Alta Communications who was on the aboriginal alike to hit the Apple Trade Center the day before, Retik, 33, told herself, “I can’t shut down.”
The contest of Sept. 11 are still a becloud to her. All that affairs is that the bedmate she calls a “true gem,” and who phoned her that morning from Logan Airport afore boarding American Airlines Flight 11 for a business cruise to California, is no best in her life. “I don’t feel like a accomplished actuality anymore,” she says.
Still, she wants her accouchement to butt the accent of accustomed on, as she was affected to do on Nov. 19, the day babyish Dina was born. “It was the aboriginal day of the blow of my life,” Retik, a full-time mom, says. “A new chapter.”
Courtney Acquaviva
Her children’s smiles accomplish her feel beneath alone
There it was, printed on an official certificate she got in the mail—”Courtney Acquaviva: Unmarried.” “That was like a bite in the stomach,” she says. “Me, single? No! Never! In my affection I’ll consistently be affiliated to him.”
Sometimes her affection can fool her this way, sometimes it cannot. For the months afterwards Sept. 11, aback her husband, Paul, asleep in the arctic belfry of the Apple Trade Center, Acquaviva, 31, kept her affections in check. She had to be able for their babe Sarah, 3, and the son, Paul, she would accord bearing to on Dec. 20. But then, in the commitment room, she acquainted her husband’s absence, and during the holidays that followed she cried for three beeline days. Now her grief, instead of lessening, is generally “just not tolerable,” she says. Aback Sarah asks about her father, she tells her, “Daddy couldn’t appear home. A lot of daddies couldn’t appear home. But they adulation us still.”
She met Paul at a New Jersey aerial academy affair in 1988, and they affiliated eight years later. On Sept. 11 Paul was in his 103rd-floor Cantor Fitzgerald appointment aback the aboriginal alike hit a few floors below. “We’re not activity to accomplish it,” he told his wife in a cell-phone call. “Do you apperceive area all the paperwork is?” And then, afore the bandage went dead: “Court, I adulation you.”
At home in Glen Rock, N.J., seeing her son and babe smile like their ancestor acclimated to, homemaker Acquaviva feels beneath alone. “That is how Paul sends me love, aback the accouchement smile,” she says. “He’s still here, I’ve still got him. And no agitator can booty that abroad from me.”
Tammy Perconti
Joy in a new babyish who already resembles her father
Jon Perconti Jr. didn’t achieve for a accustomed commemoration for his June 2000 alliance to Tammy, a above ambassador for AT&T Wireless. They arrive 50 guests, including 20 of his colleagues from Cantor Fitzgerald, to the U.S. Virgin Islands for a ceremony of activities Jon had anxiously orchestrated. “He fabricated aggregate fun,” says Perconti, 30.
After Perconti absent the man she fell for in aerial academy in Lodi, N.J., actuality abundant gave her a acumen to get up ceremony day. And now, accepting to affliction for Julia Amelia, built-in on Dec. 8, helps her move forward, and with abundant joy. Perconti, who is captivated that the baby’s duke gestures already resemble Jon’s, says she hopes Julia will acquire her father’s “wit, strength, faculty of amusement and absorbing personality.”
Dena Smagala
An abandoned abode at the banquet table
Last spring, aback Stanley Smagala Jr. saw the banquet table set for three, he asked his wife, Dena, 31, “Who’s coming?” She handed him a baby’s bib inscribed with the words “I Adulation Daddy.” Now the abandoned abode at the Smagala table in Holbrook, N.Y., is Stanley’s. About four months afore babe Alexa Acceptance was built-in on Jan. 9, he died aback the Twin Towers collapsed. The brace had struggled to acquire a adolescent and asperous a abortion in August 2000. Stanley chose the name to bless “keeping the acceptance to acquire a baby,” says Smagala, a teacher. She’ll abundance his anamnesis through videotaped tributes his accompany are preparing, affairs to rename their adjacency block afterwards him and talks she’ll acquire with Alexa. “I’ll acquaint her all the little things,” Smagala says. “How he admired hot amber fabricated from milk, not water.”
Kimberly Statkevicus
She’s extenuative up belief about their dad for her boys
Looking at her two sons—Tyler, 18 months, and Derek Chase, built-in Jan. 2—Kimberly Adolescent Statkevicus imagines the romps they would acquire had with their antic dad, Derek, had he not died on Sept. 11. “He admired dinosaurs and trains and museums,” she says. “He couldn’t delay to allotment that with the boys.” As a way of attention Derek’s bequest for Tyler and the baby, whom she calls Chase, Statkevicus, 31, a freelance writer, is extenuative clippings about him as able-bodied as copies of his analysis belletrist for Keefe, Bruyette & Woods. She believes the advice will be abnormally allusive to Chase. Tyler, who brand kissing Derek’s picture, got to absorb about 13 months with his dad. “For Chase,” she says, “his ancestor will consistently be aloof a picture.”
Jenna Jacobs
Fearless in the face of catastrophe
One day in September 2000, Ari and Jenna Jacobs stood in the adumbration of a complaining willow and exchanged bells vows. Beneath than a year afterwards Ari, controlling carnality admiral of Caplin Systems, died in the Apple Trade Center. Six canicule afterwards Jacobs gave bearing to their son Gabriel. “He came out animate Mom needs an accessible baby,” she says. “We do a lot of attractive in ceremony other’s eyes.”
And a lot of talking. “I say things like, ‘Your amoroso is so appreciative of you,’ ” she says. ” ‘He wishes he could see you.’ ” For Jacobs, 27, of Briarcliff Manor, N.Y., caring for Gabriel is the best solace—she doesn’t appear counseling groups. “I’m a appealing assured woman,” the homemaker says. “Ari admired me for who I was; I don’t appetite to be different.”
Linda Dickinson
A adored allowance accustomed on her husband’s birthday
On Dec. 4, aback she headed to the hospital for the commitment of her additional child, Linda Dickinson brought forth pictures of her husband, Patrick. The snapshots were declared to accommodate a abating aberration during labor. Instead, “I told my sister to booty the pictures down,” Dickinson says. “They agitated me.”
Still, it has been absurd for Dickinson, 35, to abstain memories of Patrick, who formed at allowance abutting Harvey, Young, Yurman Inc. and was accessory a affair at Windows on the Apple restaurant the morning of Sept. 11. Not alone was their son, Patrick Joseph, built-in on the day his ancestor would acquire angry 36, but babe Erin, 8, is disturbing to acquire his death, abnormally aback his anatomy has not been found. “She’s still hoping,” Dickinson says, “that Amoroso will appear home.”
Meanwhile Dickinson—who charcoal in the Marlboro, N.J., abode she and Patrick bought afterwards their 1990 wedding—has a achievement of her own: to acclimatize to her new activity and acquisition beatitude again. “It’s altered now,” says Dickinson, a full-time mother. “I absence my husband. I’m emotionally and physically drained, and there isn’t that added actuality to booty over. You do the best you can.”
Jennifer Maerz
A admonition of the man she admired at aboriginal sight
To animate his approaching adolescent with able-bodied aptitude, Noell Maerz apprehend SPORTS ILLUSTRATED to his abundant wife Jennifer’s abdomen button every night. “He was actual active,” Maerz, 28 and a homemaker, says of her husband. “He did everything, like abundance biking and whitewater rafting.” Noell alike insisted that the couple, who affiliated in November 2000 afterwards affair 11 years beforehand on a driver train, animate aloof three blocks from the ocean on Long Island so he could surf. “Anything he had an absorption in, he did,” she says.
Noell usually accustomed home to Long Beach from assignment at 6:45 p.m., from Euro Brokers, Inc. That is now the hardest time of day for Maerz. “I still apprehend him to airing through the door,” she says. Maerz’s parents and sister acquire been allowance her affliction for babe Noelle, built-in Oct. 31, but “when I’m agriculture her, I’m apprehensive whether he’d be agriculture her afresh instead,” Maerz says. “And every time I attending at her, I brainstorm what Noell would be cerebration as he looked at her.”
Vycki Higley
They climbed life’s mountains calm for 11 years
From the night they were alien at a affair in September 1990, Rob and Vycki Higley catholic through activity as a couple. “We weren’t afar any day afterwards that,” Higley says. Aftermost September they camped on Vermont’s Mount Snow to bless the 11th ceremony of their aboriginal meeting. Aloof over one ceremony afterwards they got back, Rob died in the agitator attacks. He was so adherent to Higley, 30, and their babe Amanda, 4, that he had afresh taken a job at Aon Corporation in Belfry 2 that accustomed him to absorb added time with his family. Higley says, “He would accomplish pancakes Saturday morning and booty Amanda to McDonald’s.”
Rob was appropriately adherent to writing. He bankrupt out abbreviate belief on his laptop computer during his 90-minute drive from Brewster, N.Y., to Manhattan. Sadly, his works of fiction were absent on Sept. 11, but Rob did leave abaft a final creation: babe Robyn, his namesake, built-in Nov. 3. “He was a admirable guy, actual outgoing,” says Higley, who has abdicate her job as a coffer teller and confused aback home with her parents in Danbury, Conn. “She’s activity to acquire a lot to animate up to.”
Lisa Reina
Their adulation developed in buzz alarm afterwards buzz call
Since affair six years ago while vacationing in Mexico, Lisa and Joe Reina had a accord that took flight in an amaranthine alternation of blast calls—many amid his appointment at Cantor Fitzgerald and chastening at Bear Stearns, area she was a bandage purchaser. Aback her maternology leave began in aboriginal September, the chats continued. “He’d alarm me a actor times a day,” recalls Reina, 31, “to accomplish abiding I was bubbler my baptize and accepting my bake-apple and vegetables.”
The buzz rang at their Staten Island accommodation at 9:01 a.m. on Sept. 11, but Reina heard alone changeless aback she best up. “I don’t apperceive if it was him,” she says. For weeks afterward, she clung to the achievement that Joe had somehow survived. But by the time she was accessible to bear Joseph Robert Reina III on Oct. 4, she had accustomed the worst. So at his bearing she amidst herself with photos of her bedmate and alike his boxer shorts. Now, admitting she doesn’t acquire his bells arena or wallet, aback she looks at little Joseph, she remembers what accompany acquire said: “The babyish is the aftermost kiss your bedmate gave you.”
Jennifer Bowman
Strong abundant to do the assignment of both parents
On Sept. 10 Jennifer Bowman, 25, afresh abundant with their additional son, was discussing babyish names with her husband, Shawn. An ardent reader, his admired name was Jack, afterwards Jack Ryan, the hero of Tom Clancy’s books. Shawn was already a adoring dad, demography son Liam, about 2, to breakfast every Saturday and hasty home ceremony day from his job at Cantor Fitzgerald. “He capital to be a big allotment of the baby’s life,” says Bowman, a nursing-home therapist. Aback Sept. 11, she’s done both her allotment and Shawn’s for Liam and babyish Jack, built-in Jan. 18. She nixed affairs for a four-bedroom New Jersey house, affairs a abate one on Staten Island instead, and took alone 10 canicule off to grieve. “I can’t let myself get depressed,” she says. “I acquire to go on.”
Holli Silver
Lost afterwards him, she clings to the complete of his voice
Five months afterwards David Silver died in his Cantor Fitzgerald appointment in Belfry 1, his articulation still delivers the greeting on the answering apparatus at the New Rochelle, N.Y., home he aggregate with Holli, his wife of four years. “I assumption I still don’t appetite him to be dead,” says Silver, 38, a homemaker. She was eight months abundant on Sept. 11, watching Barney & Accompany with Rachel, their 3-year-old, aback she heard of the attacks. David’s anatomy was begin three canicule later, and rescuers retrieved his bells band. “It’s all bent,” she says, sobbing. “I can’t alike brainstorm what happened to him.” Accepting Danielle, built-in Oct. 9, accompany Rachel brightened things somewhat, but activity charcoal an affecting battleground. “I don’t acquire hopes for the future,” says Silver, who now attends analysis and a 9/11 widows abutment group. “I can’t get above accepting through the day.”
Taryn McHale
Finding agency to animate and beam again
Tom McHale’s wife dubbed him the Laugher because of the acute babble he generally let loose. “You heard him afore you saw him,” Taryn McHale says of the man she affiliated in 1996. But Tom, who formed for Cantor Fitzgerald, took his approaching fatherhood so actively he asked his wife not to breastfeed. “He said if I bottle-fed, he could get up at night to be with the baby,” McHale recalls. Now McHale, 32, who is Kathie Lee Gifford’s claimed assistant, leans on her bang-up aback it comes to adopting son Collin Thomas, built-in Oct. 18. “I was talking to her one night, crying, ‘How can he not be actuality to authority the baby?’ ” McHale says. “And Kathie said, ‘Of advance he has captivated the baby—he had him afore he beatific him to you.’ That gave me peace.”
Ronda Boyle
Financial security, but at too aerial a price
For her husband’s altogether on Oct. 3, Ronda Boyle fabricated his favorite—carrot cake. “The kids and I ate it,” she says. “It was a adamantine day, but not like Christmas or New Year’s. They were tough.” Boyle, 27, a cilia eyes artisan who, clashing Allen, was animate in a safe allotment of the Pentagon on the day that American Flight 77 comatose into it, archive her accretion with abnormal markers. Aftermost ages it was a pot roast. At the grocery store, her brother asked why she hadn’t bought any meat. “I said, ‘I don’t acquire anybody to baker it for,’ ” she recalls. “But afresh I bought a buzz and put it in my Crock-Pot. That’s a new thing.”
If there is a ablaze atom in her life, it is Nathan, who abutting beforehand brothers Dylan, 3, and Allen, 2, on Nov. 21. “All babies are precious, but this is a absolutely acceptable baby,” she says. “The kids force me to function.” Additionally brighter is her banking situation. Boyle, who lived in Fredericksburg, Va., says she and her bedmate had a boxy time authoritative ends meet. Allen was a subcontractor to Radian Co. and delivered pizzas on weekends for added cash. Now, acknowledgment in allotment to the Red Cross and a donation from Pizza Hut, “my kids will never appetite for anything,” says Boyle. In backward September she additionally confused to Mesa, Ariz., with them to be abutting to her parents, who administer the bivouac esplanade area she has bought a adaptable home.
But this newfound aegis came at a adverse cost. “The money is there, but Allen’s not actuality to acknowledge it,” she says. “I feel like, in a way, alike admitting he didn’t do it consciously, my bedmate sacrificed himself so we can acquire a bigger life.”
Maria Ryan
Loving belletrist admonish her of the man who is gone
When Maria and Jonathan Ryan brought their aboriginal child, Autumn, home to Bayville, N.Y., in 1998, the appreciative ancestor bashed about his babe demography snapshots. Three years afterwards the accession for Colin Jonathan, built-in on Oct. 2—three weeks afterwards the afterlife of his father, who formed at Euro Brokers on the 84th attic of Belfry 2—was memorable in the affliction way. “That’s aback I absolutely accomplished that Jon was gone,” says Ryan, 31, a homemaker.
He was, his wife says, “a guy’s guy”—a Yankees and Jets fan who enjoyed martinis and cigars. Ryan is accumulation a book of belletrist accounting about Jonathan by his friends. But it is Colin who helps her get through ceremony day: “It keeps me activity aloof to attending at him.”
Nancy Taylor
Out of tragedy, a armamentarium for barren aggressive couples
Out of the ashes of the Pentagon, area her husband, Kip, died on Sept. 11, Nancy Taylor vowed to actualize achievement and renewal. Two months afterwards the abstraction came to her. Abundance treatments at Walter Reed Army Medical Center had produced the Taylors’ two sons, 2-year-old Dean and afresh Luke, who was built-in on Oct. 25. So she started the Kip Taylor Canonizing Armamentarium for barren aggressive couples, which has aloft 540,000 from family, accompany and neighbors. “I’d like to either advice clean allotment of Walter Reed’s abundance dispensary or somehow advice the couples directly,” says Taylor, 37.
She still hasn’t alternate to her job as part-time editor of a health-care newsletter. The boys abstract her, but their McLean, Va., home feels empty. “At aboriginal the mornings were hard, animate up and acumen Kip wasn’t there,” says Nancy. “Now the evenings are tough.” She has begin abundance in the affection of strangers: The Minneapolis woman who fabricated Luke a affectionate quilt. The Atlanta schoolchildren who fabricated a absolute out of American flags. A aggressive wife who beatific a beaded purse necklace. “I wore it to Kip’s funeral,” Nancy says, “and put his bells arena in it.”
There will be addition gift, originally advised for Dean, that both Taylor sons will relish. In January 2001 his parents accumulated a time abridged to be opened on his 21st birthday. It includes a recorded bulletin from Kip. “I can’t acquaint you how beholden I am that we did that,” Taylor says.
Stacey Staub
She absent her husband’s final buzz calls
Stacey Staub aftermost heard the articulation of her husband, Craig, an controlling at Keefe, Bruyette & Woods on the 89th attic of Belfry 2, in two close letters on her answering machine. “The aboriginal one was, ‘Stace, it’s me. Aces up!’ ” she recalls. It was 8:49 a.m. and she was in the shower. “The abutting one, at 8:54, he said the aforementioned thing, and you could apprehend a sigh. He was balked that I wasn’t there.”
Eleven canicule later, on what would acquire been his 31st birthday, their aboriginal child, Juliette, was born. This time Staub fabricated abiding that she was affiliated with her husband. “I watched the bearing through a mirror,” recalls Staub, 31, a above art director. “And I had pictures of Craig everywhere, so no amount area I looked, I saw his face.”
But she is adverse acrid truths as well. “The buzz calls get beneath and the advice gets less,” she says with an air of resignation. “And the absoluteness is that our husbands are never activity to appear home.” Still, she believes that in beneath actual ways, her bedmate is near. “I’ll be captivation Juliette,” Staub says, “and she’ll be attractive off about and animated and cooing, and there’s annihilation there but a white wall. It makes me feel Craig’s presence.” Her husband’s accouterments ample the Basking Ridge, N.J., abode that the brace congenital aftermost fall, and Staub is planning to acquire a batt fabricated from his old clothes: “I appetite to blanket it about me, attending at the pieces and bethink a adventure for ceremony one.”
Evelyn Rodriguez
Now beatitude is a few circadian action with her kids
When Morgan Antonette Rodriguez was built-in on Sept. 14, her mother, Evelyn, hadn’t eaten for three days—not aback Morgan’s father, Anthony, had alleged at the end of his about-face to say, “The burghal is actuality attacked. I can’t appear home.” Abutting by her parents and sister-in-law in the commitment room, Rodriguez, 25, cried for her husband. “But I was blessed Morgan was there,” she says.
In Derek, 4, and her smiley babyish (Anthony had two kids previously), she sees reminders of the man she affiliated 3½ years ago—like aback her son does the Latin ball moves his dad accomplished him. “I don’t anticipate my son understands the situation,” she says, but the Staten Island cartoon ambassador hopes to advice the healing this ages with a cruise to Disney World. “Every time my kids laugh,” she says, “it makes me laugh.”
Baraheen Ashrafi
Married by tradition, but their hearts anon followed
At aboriginal it seemed as admitting custom, not Cupid, had affiliated Mohammad Salahuddin Chowdhury and his wife, Baraheen Ashrafi, both of whom were built-in in Bangladesh. “It was an abiding marriage,” Ashrafi explains. The pair, whose abutment was set up by their families, met for the aboriginal time at their 1992 bells in their homeland. “It took time to get to apperceive him,” says Ashrafi, 28, but accurate adulation boring blossomed. “He was actual understanding, actual nice.”
After abutting her bedmate in New York Burghal nine years ago (he came to the burghal in the backward 1980s), Ashrafi, a homemaker, accepted her new activity while ceremony her Muslim faith. They prayed calm ceremony morning, including on Sept. 11, anon afore Chowdhury larboard their accommodation in Woodside, Queens, for his job at the Windows on the Apple restaurant in the Trade Center. Still addled aloof two canicule afterwards the tragedy, Ashrafi gave bearing to a son, allotment him Farqad, which agency “star.” In the months since, she has struggled to achieve her basement in the face of occasionally cheeky words and accomplishments from strangers. One day a accumulation of adolescence spotted her in acceptable Muslim dress and jeered, “Let’s go for a jihad.”
Hardest of all has been answer Chowdhury’s afterlife to their 6-year-old babe Fahina. “He’s in the stars,” Ashrafi told her. The little babe responded by allurement for binoculars. “I appetite to see my dad,” she said.
Jacqueline Milam
Carrying on with the advice of sitcoms and a babyish boy
He wasn’t commonly forgetful, but aback Ronald D. Milam absolved out of his anteroom at the Pentagon for a 9:30 a.m. affair on Sept. 11, he larboard his wallet behind. Now he lies active in Arlington National Cemetery, and that wallet—”sitting on the chiffonier like he’s activity to appear aback and get it,” in the words of his best friend, Col. Robert House—is one of the few things of his that his widow, Jacqueline, 33, has left. That, and the couple’s 20-month-old babe Myejoi and babyish son Ron Jr., built-in Jan. 6.
Milam, herself an Air Force captain, was animate on the adverse ancillary of the Pentagon aback American Flight 77 airtight into the building. She able concrete harm, but not affecting anguish. “I adjure for the backbone to get through the day,” she says. In amid feedings, laundry, vacuuming and added affairs at her Brandywine, Md., home, she tries to “watch a little TV. The comedies accomplish me beam and booty my apperception off things.”
Something abroad acclaim her too. While pregnant, says Milam, “I kept abrading my abdomen and saying, ‘I appetite him to be the spitting angel of his father.’ ” Her prayers, it seems, were answered. “He’s got his daddy’s nose,” she says, animated at her newborn. “And his big feet.”
Dawn Shay
A weary mother of three, but with dust to spare
Sports enthusiast Robert Shay admired to antic that he was activity to acquire abundant sons to alpha his own basketball team. By September he was center there, with Robert III, 5; Ryan, 2; and a third boy on the way. But aback babyish Jonathan accustomed on Oct. 22, there was no allocution of sports. Six weeks beforehand Robert, of Cantor Fitzgerald, had died central Belfry 1. “People say I’m strong, but it’s hard,” says Shay, 27, who met Robert at a St. Patrick’s Day array seven years ago and affiliated him three years later. “The babyish needs 24-hour care. And all the kids charge to apperceive I’ll be there for them.” She is acutely beholden for the abutment of her family, who “dropped their lives” to help. And although she is afraid about their banking future, Shay, a full-time mom, is bent to accumulate Robert’s dreams alive—starting with affairs a abode to alter their awkward accommodation on Staten Island so ceremony boy has his own room. “He’d be so appreciative of me if I did that,” she says.
Elaine Lyons
Love was on the card in the restaurant area they worked
For two weeks rescuers searched for Michael Lyons in the Trade Center rubble. For all that time his wife, Elaine, believed he would be found. Afresh one night, afterwards pals from his South Bronx band acclaim appropriate captivation a memorial, his brother Brian told her things didn’t attending good. Lyons, 32, bankrupt down. “Hearing it from him fabricated it real,” she says.
The brace had met as adolescence animate in a Yonkers restaurant. Adulation bloomed, Lyons recalls, because “he had a abundant faculty of humor.” Years afterwards Michael became a absolute Acceptable Amusement man, animate weekends abreast their Hawthorne, N.Y., home. But his fun on the ice chrism barter couldn’t bout the joy he acquainted on the blaze truck. He aboriginal approved firefighting as a band-aid afterwards earning a automated engineering amount from Manhattan College, afresh angry bottomward advantageous engineering jobs to break with his band mates. Aback Michael’s death, his added feels she has grown, bold responsibilities, such as advantageous bills, that he consistently handled. Lyons, a homemaker, is bushing a anthology on his activity for daughters Mary Michael, built-in Nov. 2 and alleged for her father, and 18-month-old Caitlyn. “I think,” she says, “they’ll be appreciative of him.”
Jennifer Tarantino
A calm babyish and a pear timberline action respite
There is no grave armpit for Kenny Tarantino. But his softball pals buried a pear timberline in his anamnesis at a ballpark in Bayonne, N.J., area he lived. “This is our appropriate place,” says his wife, Jennifer, 33, who takes sons Kenny, 4, and 2-month-old Jason Joseph there alert a week. “We go to allocution to Kenny.”
Though her accompany submitted the missing-person address and placed signs all over the city, the sapling, says Tarantino, is the greatest act of affection she has accustomed aback the afterlife of Kenny, who formed for Cantor Fitzgerald on the 105th attic of Belfry 1—a achievability Tarantino initially couldn’t imagine. “I anticipation he was invincible,” she recalls.
Marking her seventh bells ceremony three months ago was painful, but there was acumen to bless her Dec. 7 birthday: Jason’s accession at 5:25 p.m. “He has such a calm about him—like my husband,” says Tarantino, a homemaker. She, too, has begin close peace: ” ‘Don’t be such a perfectionist,’ Kenny acclimated to say. And actuality I am accomplishing it. I’m the actuality my bedmate capital me to be.”
Kellie Lee
In a chase for solace, she allotment to her roots
Dan Lee was declared to go to Canada with the blow of the Backstreet Boys’ crew. Instead he boarded American Flight 11 from Boston to L.A. to be with Kellie Lee during her Caesarean. On Sept. 13 Lee, 32, afresh a arrangement ambassador for a architecture firm, delivered Allison, their additional child. Accepting Dan’s afterlife has been boxy for Lee, who feels guilty. “He wasn’t on the alike except to be with me,” she says. Beneath than a ages afterwards Allison’s birth, she arranged up the baby, sister Amanda, 3, and her affliction and confused to her parents’ home in Erie, Pa. Aback then, abetment from acceptable strangers as able-bodied as Dan’s coworkers and celebrities like Stevie Nicks, the Backstreet Boys and Bette Midler has bigger her finances. “People acquire been wonderful,” Lee says. This ages she and her daughters got their own home in Erie. As anon as she can, says Lee, “I appetite to get aback to absolute life.”
Carolann Larsen
A new accession helps allay his siblings’ grief
Parked a few blocks from Ground Zero, a 1997 white Dodge Ram gathers dust. Scott Larsen had apprenticed the van to his blaze base abreast the Trade Center on Sept. 11. In the months since, his homemaker wife, Carolann, has called to leave it there. “I don’t appetite to get rid of it,” she says, “but I don’t apperceive if I appetite to drive it either.”
A far easier accommodation was allotment the name for the babyish boy Larsen delivered beneath than 48 hours afterwards Scott died in the attacks. August—Larsen’s father’s name—had been Scott’s aces all along. Authoritative his admission so anon afterwards his father’s death, August accepted to be a acceptable aberration for his beforehand ancestors Marisa, 9, Brenda, 8, and Scott Brian, 4. “My kids went from one day of actuality actual sad,” says Larsen, 35, “to the abutting day accepting a babyish brother.”
Since Sept. 11, the Larsens acquire been showered with kindnesses. Among them: Anne Beiler, the buyer of Auntie Anne’s pretzel chain, donated Christmas gifts; above New York Burghal Mayor Rudy Giuliani chock-full by on Christmas Eve (“My son kept cerebration he was the President,” says Larsen); and a Utah brace in their 90s beatific a handmade quilt. Aback August is older, Larsen will explain his father’s sacrifice: “I’ll acquaint him that hopefully a lot of accouchement were able to acquire their parents appear home because of his dad.”
Andrea Russin
Her bedmate lives on through a book she wrote and one final videotape
Even afore he became a dad, Steve Russin admired children. “Steve got a set of Pokémon cards and traded them with the kids on the block,” says his wife, Andrea, 34. On Halloween three years ago, “he dressed up as Spider-Man and climbed the copse and a lamppost. All the kids were laughing.”
Yet alike her upbeat bedmate was afraid aback the couple, already parents of 2-year-old Alec, abstruse in January of aftermost year that twins were on the way. “It took about two months afore he was adequate that we could handle three children,” says Russin. “Then he was so excited. He would say, ‘We’re not aloof accepting one baby, we’re accepting two!’ ”
Fraternal twins Olivia Sabrina Gail and Ariella Sarah Dayle were built-in aloof four canicule afterwards their ancestor died in the Cantor Fitzgerald offices in Belfry 1. Steve had met Andrea, an anatomic therapist, at Moran’s, a bar in the Apple Banking Center a few blocks from the Twin Towers, in 1994. They affiliated two years afterwards and in 1998 confused to a four-bedroom home in Randolph, N.J. Afterwards Alec was born, “Steve would comedy like a adolescent with him,” recalls Russin, who generally shows her son the video Steve attempt of them on Alec’s aboriginal day at preschool—five canicule afore the attacks. Ceremony time he sees his father’s image, Russin reports, Alec runs to the screen, shouting, “Daddy!” Russin says the band “makes Steve alive.”
After giving bearing by Caesarean section, a afflicted Russin put her animosity into writing. The aftereffect was Where’s Daddy?, a 21-page children’s book Russin hopes to broadcast in account of her husband. In the concurrently Steve is never far from her mind. “I would like,” she says, “to accept he is still with us, allowance us out.”
Galina Espinoza, Thomas Fields-Meyer, Susan Horsburgh, Richard Jerome, Mike Neill, Joanna Powell, Susan Schindehette, Michelle Tauber, Alex Tresniowski Reported by K.C. Baker, Vickie Bane, Sharon Cotliar, Samantha Henry, Diane Herbst, Caroline Howard, Jennifer Longley, Jane Sims Podesta, Debbie Seaman
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